Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize