mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
