I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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