love makes seman taste better
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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