His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
