thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
