I feel great
I just peed on a car
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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