Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
