wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
