found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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