I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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