so explain again why im purple
no
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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