Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
