what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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