You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
