I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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