What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
