zippers are such a cool invention
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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