my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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