why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
