Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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