i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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