Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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