things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
