So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
