I want to stick my p in your. b.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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