Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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