I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
