Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm having to shit out rocks
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
