you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So vagazzling was a success
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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