I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
