Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
