During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
