Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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