So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize