Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Enjoy the penises
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
