Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
