I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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