oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize