If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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