i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
