Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
