She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
