She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
