Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
