Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
