Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
