And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
