I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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