Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
