shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Let's paint friendship bongs
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
