I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
People in love make me want to vomit
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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