True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
