it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
