Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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