Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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