don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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