I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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