we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
