I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
