Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
