Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
