Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
